Confi’s Holiday Survival Tips
Some of you(not me) are going to force yourselves to deal with crazy family this holiday.
If you want to make it to Christmas follow these rules.
Taser *fully charged (dont ask)
1 liter Belvedere Vodka (doubles as a nightstick)
1 pint Captain Morgans Rum (doubles as a antiseptic for lacerations)
Bag of zip ties (no handcuffs)* chew through them if you are the one zip tied
Drive your own vehicle for a quick getaway
(918)592-BAIL (keep that handy)
Leave debit card in a sealed envelope w/Bestie in case of extended incarceration
Dont make audible threats (manslaughter vs premeditated murder)
Wear shoes with good traction
If your opponent is a scratcher Carmax doubles as Vaseline rub it on your face
* An updo will minimize hair pulling. A bun toward the back is more practical.
Lol, Im just kidding these rules may come in handy in some random situations but not on Thanksgiving please. When the shouting match begins remember that no one has a right to tell you how or when to heal to assuage their guilt. Truthfully all you need to arm yourself with this holiday is the assurance that you are spectacular, loved, and fully authorized.
When communication breaks down or becomes hurtful leave.
Please feel free to forward any of your Turkey Day Disputes…and I will weigh in. If nothing else I bet Ill make you laugh.
Wishing you all the happiest of holidays from the bottom of my heart!!!!